Randy Storms - A Life of Triumph In Jesus Christ

Twenty four hours ago, we lost a beautiful man and the love of his life, his beautiful wife.  From all accounts, it appears this man, Randy Storms, suffered a heart attack while driving here in town.  The van he, his wife Suzy, and their much loved service dog, Henley, were in, crashed into a dry rocky creek bed.  Randy, Suzy and their dog were killed in this accident.

I spent the weekend at a relationship retreat that was organized and presented by my church, City Life Church.  This relationship retreat was for singles, married people and couples.  The purpose was to show people how the gospel transforms us and how our present and future relationships should glorify God.

Randy Storms was one of the speakers and he led several incredible sessions including a singles breakout, “Are You Ready For Marriage?”  A main session, “Intimacy Outside the Bedroom.” And a singles breakout, Q&A.  All three sessions were not only engaging and God inspired, they were profitable and I saw and spoke with many people who were profoundly impacted by Randy and Suzy (and Henley, their dog, endeared us all) and their testimony and the way they intimately shared their individual stories and their God written love story.

More than a year ago, I was going through some very hard times.  I approached my lead pastor, Casey Casamento, and we talked over breakfast.  He recognized that I was in despair and he told me that while he could walk with me through this, he wanted me to meet with a man who he knew could not only walk with me, but could counsel me better than anyone else.  Casey knew the right man for the job.  That man was Randy Storms.

I began to see Randy for counseling.  And while I am still a work in progress,  Randy walked through some dark valleys with me and shared the truth of the gospel, along with a compassion and love that was both tender and strong all at once.  Randy helped show me that I should not bury my emotions and feelings, nor should I be led by them as they flow from the heart and the heart is indeed “deceitful above all things and desperately wicked” Jer 17:9-10.  Randy began a process that forced me to look at the depth of my own depravity as well as confronting my family of origin issues that shaped me into who I was as a man. 

I had recently suffered a setback, and with the help of a brother, Dave, who was also seeing Randy for counsel and “tune ups”, this brother did what Randy did and in a firm, loving manner, shared truth and reality with me in a way that confronted me with the fact that I had still not fully surrendered my all to God and that I was still trying to white knuckle the stick and control my life.  In reality, it is so much more than words can describe – but I knew that Dave was using his gifts and that his gifts were made more clear and strengthened by Randy’s counsel and Godly wisdom.  This is part of how Randy’s legacy lives on.

I wanted to share some of the notes I took at this weekend’s relationship retreat.  All of the notes below are words that Randy shared.  Some of them may not make sense as I was writing quickly to keep up and capture what Randy was saying.  He spoke so much more than what I have written, and each thought of Randy’s that I jotted down is merely me pushing the play button on a recording that was captured by my heart.

Lessons from Randy Storms – Singles Breakout: “Are You Ready For Marriage?”

Josh McDowell once said, "We have the fear of never being loved and the fear of never being able to love." 

God created us with a desire for Him and a desire to have a spouse.  Man desires woman and woman desires man.  This is normal and natural.  However, many people are not ready to be in a relationship because they have never come to grips with their own badness, brokenness, and ugliness.

 

Because we learned to be who we are so early in life  - and until you deal with your FOO (Family Of Origin) issues and understand why you are the way you are, you can never heal it and you will keep dragging baggage into new relationships, only to have them fail..and only to begin the cycle all over again.

Read Psalm 51 and see how David saw his own wickedness.  He was cut to the heart by it.

 

Sin demands an emotional response.  It is not enough to say you are sinner, you need to be sick over your sin.  You cannot embrace the Good News until you embrace the bad news of yourself.

The root cause of all conflict in relationships is one or both person's self-centeredness.  We are self-centered and we focus on what we do in relationships.  We must focus on who we are in Christ and not what we do in relationships.  We tend to not be human beings but instead are human doings.  We do not know how to be - and to be means to be you as you are in Him.

So many people are sad and bitter because they are not in a relationship and they believe that being in one is the most important thing and will fix everything wrong in their lives.  If you are not at a place where you can not only trust God, but also trust another person, then you do not need to be in a relationship.

There are no steps or lists you can follow to give you a great relationship.  But there is a list with some truth of the kind of person you should be in order to be in a healthy relationship.  And by being, I mean being in Christ - because these seven things are only possible when you are in Christ.

1.  One of the greatest gifts is to be a good listener

Too many people think they are good listeners, but really all they are doing much of the time is waiting for the other person to stop speaking so the response they have been working on can come out of their mouths.  And we have to not only be a good listener with people, but also with God.  Try this and see how hard it is - try turning off the radio when you are alone in the car...and just listening to God.  It's hard...it's too quiet and you want to turn the radio back on so you can just sing as you drive down the road.  And that's ok too - but make time to turn everything off and just listen to God...and to people too.

2.  Become someone who is safe.

Do not pass judgment on people.  In order to become someone who is safe, you have to understand your own brokenness and ugliness and let God heal it.

3.  Be someone who lends a hand.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 "Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil.  For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow.  But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!"

Who would you call at 3 AM?  Who would you let in to your disappointment?

4.  Be someone who can walk in someone's shoes.

5.  Be someone who can receive.

Don't be a people pleaser.  Being a people pleasure is selfish because you do it because you want people to like you for what you do.  You have to allow others to help you.  In healthy relationships we meet each other's needs.  Caring is mutual.

6.  Be someone who can weather turbulence.

You need perseverance through conflict - because you are guaranteed conflict. 

Maturity comes through knowing who you are in Christ.

You cannot separate emotional health and spiritual maturity.

The last two verses of Psalm 139 is the scariest thing you will ever pray: 

Search me, O God, and know my heart:

    test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me,

    and lead me in the way everlasting.

7.  Be someone who knows when to call it quits.

If we are in a relationship (before marriage) that leads us to do something we don't want to do, it's not healthy and it needs to end.

If a man is disobedient to God (with you) before marriage, he will break your heart after you are married.  

Attraction is the beginning of romance.

There are two important questions to ask yourself:

1.  What kind person am I attracted to?

2.  What kind of person is attracted to me?

Who we are attracted to says a lot about who we are.  Who we attract says a lot about who we are as well.  Our relationships reflect how we see ourselves.  If we do not have our significance and worth in Christ, we are attracted to and attract people who are not good for us and who do not see our worth (or theirs) in Christ.

You are ready to get married when you are willing to be single and you won't settle for less.  It doesn't mean you are ok with being single...or that you enjoy it...it means you are willing to be single.

Willing to be single = Let Jesus write your love story.

You have to know your worth in Christ to attract who God wants for you.  God will bring that person into your life in His timing.

If you want to find the right person, you have to BE the right person. 

Lessons from Randy Storms – Main Session: “Intimacy Outside The Bedroom”

• Intimacy is a baring of your soul
• You can’t have intimacy with another person until you have it with Jesus
• You have to be taken to a place by God where you take an inside look at yourself
• We do not understand the depravity of who we are – the filth and ugliness
• There is healthy pain and unhealthy pain.  When I counsel people, if I am doing my job, I am bringing people into healthy pain so they can move beyond their unhealthy pain
• We have a lust for innocence – and because of that, we do not believe our depravity to be that bad
• We don’t think we are that bad, after all, it’s not like we are murderers.  We killed Jesus – we are murderers
• We dumb down and numb out sin
• If we understood how bad it is with us, we would embrace God’s grace in a whole new way
• We have to put it all on the table in marriage – the good, the bad and the ugly of who we are
• We were created for intimacy and closeness
• We have a longing to be known and a fear of being known
• God knits together two people’s hearts – the covenant is total surrender and sacrifice in the joining of two hearts (Mark 10:7-9)

Following this, there was a singles breakout where Randy and pastor Joey were taking written and verbal questions from us.  Suzy really began to speak truth to us about her failings and her great need for Christ.  She told us all how she was a young woman who battled her own issues of eating, smoking and wanting to look good to attract the kind of man she thought she wanted.  She said she always wanted “Mr. GQ”, and the house with the white picket fence and nice cars in the driveway.  She said she got what she wanted and as she struggled to feel good about herself and look good in order to keep her husband, he walked out on her and their kids.  She found herself lost – without a job, losing her house, and a single mom with two kids – she told us how she felt worthless like no man could love her.  She told us she was so broken, and that’s when she cried out to God – and Jesus reached down and helped her up.  She said that Jesus doesn't meet us by walking up to us and shaking hands - He meets us when He reaches down to take our hand and help us up.

Suzy told us that once upon a time, she would have never given Randy a second look.  She said he was nice and kind, but not her “type.”  She would have never given a man in a wheelchair a second look.  But she had been broken, she realized how wretched her heart was and that she had that lust for innocence – and she had brought it to the foot of the Cross.  She fell in love with Randy for who he is in Christ and not what the world wants to tell her he is…and Randy did the same.

Randy and Suzy were partners in life and in ministry.  Their love for each other and for their family, friends, neighbors, clients, students and people in general was real and it was contagious.  The Christ like love they freely shared, and the beautiful picture of redemption, grace, and covenant they shared was a powerful picture of Christ’s relationship with us, His Bride - His Church. 

Randy spent much of his life in his wheelchair, but he was not confined to it.  To look at Randy and not know him, one might feel sorry for him.  But for those who knew Randy, that chair was a blessing and he was more whole in Christ than imaginable.  I take great comfort and joy in knowing that when Randy and Suzy left this world, they ran straight into the arms of Jesus yesterday!  We grieve and mourn our losses here on earth.  Yet for those of us who know Jesus intimately as our Lord and Savior, and who know how much Randy and Suzy loved Jesus while they were with us, we have a joy and peace that they are now Home – and that tempers our grief and sorrow in a way only Jesus can.

Randy’s legacy will certainly live on for a very long time, and in ways we cannot imagine.  While we are careful not idolize the man, we celebrate the lives lived in service of others, for God and His Kingdom.  The life of a Godly man rooted firmly in Christ is like the blazing sun high in the midday sky, shining the light and love of Christ for all to see.  When that life comes to an end here, and the sun sets slowly behind the horizon, the sky remains alight for a very long time. 

We miss you, Randy and Suzy.  We are sad, heavy-hearted and in disbelief.  Our loss has not fully set in.  Yet we were always reminded by you about the perseverance of the saints.  I am glad I was able to spend the weekend with you and give you both hugs at church yesterday.  We will see you again someday and share in the ecstatic and unfathomable glory of being in the presence of our Jesus.

“When the perishable puts on the imperishable, and the mortal puts on immortality, then shall come to pass the saying that is written:

Death is swallowed up in victory.

O death, where is your victory?

O death, where is your sting?”

1 Corinthians 15:54-55

Randy and Suzy Storms and Henley

Pastor Joey Fink, Randy Storms and Pastor Casey Casamento

City Life Church Relationship Retreat - February 2, 2013

Randy Storms and Pastor Casey Casamento

City Life Church Relationship Retreat - February 2, 2013